Travel

A Sense of Security, Peninsula Malaysia

by Aidan on Nov 16, 2024 category Travel

After being secluded for a month I was an anxious mess. I had spent too long alone with my own thoughts over that month – which I learned lots from – but I found myself reverting to that shy, awkward boy who can vanish without a whisper. This was how I felt when I arrived in Langkawi, Malaysia for the first time… I also felt excited to be exploring a new country, I had spent nearly 3 months in Thailand!

But I was ok, I think when somebody such as myself, who is shy by nature, hides for a month naturally all those avoidance tendencies that they are trying to overcome, come back with a vengeance. That is what happened.

My first interactions were very awkward, it was like I had briefly forgotten how to communicate. I became petrified whenever I looked into anyone’s eyes, I would walk the other way just to avoid any brief exchanges with anyone.

But I did end up conversing with a few people, it was slow and awkward but I accepted this as inevitable. But I was ok with this, I knew I would recover after a few days. I did not beat myself up for this, which is something I would normally do.

I was being kinder and more patient with myself which, for me, means I am making progress!

Afterwards, I made my way down to George Town, a city in Penang Island.

For the first time sense being on my travels I seemed to have a clear direction with what I was doing, I felt a sense of security in myself.

This is one of my favourite destinations so far. I spent 8 hours on the first day just walking around and taking everything in. Langkawi being predominantly Malay and Penang being mostly Chinese, it felt like I walked into a completely different country!

After spending such a long time in Thailand, I really appreciated the culture shock and felt myself getting excited about the country I was about to explore!

(Amazing street art everywhere, not to mention gorgeous Taoist temples and mosques!)

However, I booked the hostel In George Town without any research – and as the host showed me to my dorm she showed me to the wide, open bar upstairs. A she gleefully told me, ‘… and there is a bar upstairs!’

‘Great’, I replied! My heart sank as I realized I had booked a party hostel… As she said those words I could already feel the anxiety begin to bubble up inside…

But it was ok, I saw the prospect of walking up those stairs as a really good way in which to counter my anxiety

And I did it! On the first day it was horrible. As I did not have the courage to start a conversation, I stood and loitered near the conglomeration awkwardly. I suffered a hour of hell and locked myself in the toilet, subsequently running away back tot the safety of my bed.

The following day went much better, knowing no one I willed my body to sit and eat my breakfast with a group I had never spoken to before. the same evening I did the same thing and asked to join a few who were having a conversation.

It did not go perfectly but I did it and faced up to the anxiety!

The following day I did not go and socialize because, being truthful, I was really scared! But that’s ok

I felt a sense of security in myself as I challenged the anxiety that I was experiencing.

The following day I left to go to Ipoh, followed by the Cameron Highlands.

Despite objectively failing at the hostel prior, I felt really positive going forward.

I still had many moments of shyness at both Ipoh and the Cameron Highlands. Such as, diverting my eyes when walking past somebody, or going very quiet when put in a group situation. That was ok, I feel I had recovered from Langkawi and that I was improving.

Whilst I was at the Cameron Highlands I met somebody, also from England, who was following the same route as I was. We seemed to get on well and after discussing it a little bit, we decided that we would travel together for a bit.

This was great, as whilst it can be really freeing being on the road on your own, it does get lonely.

I felt very happy but equally as scared to be travelling with someone else. I am not used to spending time with people, let alone all of my time!

But I liked him and I knew that it would do me a world of good spending that much time with someone else. I knew it would be really taxing, and it would be hard but it would be another step in the right direction. It gave me a sense of security that I had never experienced when travelling alone.

And so we travelled through Kuala Lumpur, Melaka and Singapore together (and Borneo).

I loved it, we had some really great conversations and shared some amazing travel experiences.

However, I got so tired. I was on alert all the time, trying to mange and control the anxiety that I was experiencing when around him. Do we have to speak all the time? Do we spend all our time together? I did not know how to act!! I found myself craving my own company much of the time. Not because I did not enjoy his company, but because it was really taxing.

Kuala Lumpur was incredible, it felt so alive, rich in culture and people. Melaka was a really charming colonial city. Singapore was like nothing I have ever experienced before, the most modern and beautiful city I have seen.

After Singapore we went back to Kuala Lumpur to fly to the Borneo side of Malaysia

What have I gathered from the experience?

I was learning to share my time with others more. I was spending most of my time with somebody else – all the breakfasts, lunches and dinners and all the activities. It was not easy but I think it was amazing for me. Each day the anxiety got less and less when around him, and I found myself sometimes relaxing and becoming less on edge and on alert.
I was gaining a sense of calmness about myself. I’m still not sure what the feeling means but I am guessing it meant that I was gaining, not confidence, but a sense of security in who I was.
Something was changing in my outlook on life, it felt sometimes as if I was going into some sort of meditative state. I’m still not sure what was happening but something in my mind was shifting. At the time of writing I am still struggling to understand quite what was/is happening… but a calmness was coming over me.

I really, really loved this first half of Malaysia (peninsula). It felt like for the first time I was steadily making some progress. I had an amazing time and was starting to feel happier in myself and began to develop a sense of security in the path that lay ahead.

Thank you for reading!

Here are some links to some of my previous posts, here and here

Here are the 5 ways teaching can bolster your confidence

by Aidan on Oct 3, 2024 category Thoughts, Travel

Does it ever feel like words are unnatural to you; like everyone else glides through conversations whilst your left fumbling and mumbling through them?

Yes me too!

Maybe volunteering as a teacher can help!!

Today I am going to share what I learned volunteering as an English teacher in Thailand. I think teaching can benefit everyone somewhat, but could be amazing for those less confident in themselves. I think it has the potential to really bolster your confidence!

At the time of writing this I had been solo travelling Thailand for just over 2 months, here is a link if to my previous post… if you want to check out what else I have been up to!

Firstly, here’s a quick overview of what I did:

I used the website Workaway to find hosts, which is a volunteering and work exchange platform that allows you to stay somewhere, exchanging some work for free or really cheap accommodation.

Initially, I helped out at a hostel in Phitsanulok, a beautiful, non-touristy Thai city, in between Bangkok and Chiang Mai. The owner ran and his wife ran a hostel and an after-school classroom to teach English to students. I was helping out at the hostel and teaching English. Overall the experience was great, but whilst I was shown a little how to teach I felt I had to learn on the job; on my first day I planned and taught a full 2 hour lesson on my own!!

Afterwards, I volunteered at The Superhero English programme in Bangkok, a non profit organisation led by a husband and wife. The aim of the organisation is to teach English to kids in the more underprivileged schools so they have broader opportunities when they grow up. This was real work and we would start early and finish late, but it felt great to be part of a team and (I know it sounds Cliché) to be ‘making a difference!’

So, Here are the 5 ways teaching can bolster your confidence!

You are the centre of attention

For 20, 30 or 60 minutes you are the centre of the world, you are the driver and your level of engagement, enthusiasm and mood dictate the engagement of the students.

I have the tendency, when I am talking to others, to allow others to drive and control the conversation whilst I stick to the sidelines. I often subdue my speech even when I am talking about something I am passionate about; I often short my sentences and deflect questions in order to not speak myself.

You cannot stick to the sidelines whilst teaching a class, you are the one in control. You have to be carefree, extraverted and full of energy. You have to act as if you do not care what others think.

For example, during the second Workaway all the volunteers had to dance in front of 200 students and teachers, with all of the eyes on us!! it was incredibly embarrassing but you just had to let go of how people were perceiving you.

You are practicing being the centre of attention, fully engaging and projecting what you say, being the leading force in social interactions. You are also practicing being carefree and extraverted. You learn that you can be the centre of attention, in a position where everyone is watching and be ok, and even thrive. That is why I believe working as a teacher can improve you conversational skills, bolster your confidence in speech and in yourself.

(The van which we drove to the schools in!)

You are speaking in front of a group

During the 2nd Workaway, we were doing an introduction ceremony for the school, and I had the dreadful realisation that I would have to introduce myself and the country which I was from in front of around 200 people, students and teachers included! So there I waited as the other volunteers introduced themselves, heart pounding. I eventually took the microphone and introduced myself, my hands were shaking and my face went tomato-red. Julie, the lady who was leading the ceremony, saved me and stood in when I lost face, thank god. Anyway, eventually I just about managed to stumble through it. I was awkward and nervous but looking into the crowd after I finished I saw that no one cared, and the ceremony proceeded smoothly in spite of my awkwardness.

The following day I repeated the introduction, still very anxiously, but a little more confidently and a little less cautiously. Imagine if you had to do a similar thing every day, and stand and speak in front of a large group, you would get increasingly comfortable, and the act of speaking in front of a large group would become less and less of a scary thing. You would become more confident in the act of speaking to large groups, bolstering your confidence in speech and in general.

You are actively contributing to the world around you

You are teaching others’ how to improve at something. Giving up some of your time so that others can learn. During the 2nd Workaway we went to a more remote hilltribe school in which they had less exposure to modern developments, and it seemed were underprivileged. We were teaching English to those who were less fortunate, so they would have more opportunities. And, selfishly, this made me feel good when I finished each day. Even if you feel really, really bad about yourself, doing something good, that helps others, could give you some evidence that hey, maybe you are not so bad, ‘I may be useless but at least I did this 1 good thing today!’ Teaching helps to bolster your confidence as you are actively doing some good.

You learn lots from the kids

Kids are full of energy. They are playful. And they have an ability to make anything fun, anything silly. All they want to do is play. After a while this rubs off on you and your serious adult brain. During my first Workaway we played this game where the kids would answer a question and throw a ball into a basket. That was it, that was the game. They would be jumping up and down in the air in excitement, they could not wait to have their turn! And the act of winning would make them shout out loud in exaltation! I would then be laughing at home much fun they were having. Their ability to make the simplest of things fun, whilst it may not directly improve your confidence, can improve your outlook. Making you be more in the moment, engage and seek enjoyment more in the simple things of life.

You are improving at something

The first lessons which I planned during my first Workaway were not great, if I am honest. I was a bit of an anxious wreck, I was not energetic or engaging and the lessons did not flow. I felt teaching just was not for me and a few times I walked back to the hostel after class feeling pretty bad about myself. But I kept on trying, learning from the mistakes I made previously and really trying my best to plan engaging and informative lessons. I spent hours planning each night, buying a football to try and engage some of the older students! In the end my lessons still were not great, but I knew I had improved greatly, I was more confident leading a class and the lessons began flowing more smoothly. Teaching is a skill, and as I mentioned in one of my previous posts, improving at things can greatly bolster your confidence.

Volunteering as a teacher abroad has been an amazing experience for me and it is something that I really want to pursue further. Workaway and Worldpackers are great websites to use to find hosts if you want to volunteer abroad.

I really believe volunteering and working as a teacher, even if it is just for a bit, can be really good for anybody. Hopefully reading this has given you some inspiration!

Thanks for reading!

Seclusion, Anxiety and Liberation, One Month at a Muay Thai Camp!

by Aidan on Oct 3, 2024 category Travel

It has been a whirlwind. From endorphin fueled highs to isolated, overtrained misery. I feel as if I have been through it all this month. But I feel like I am through to the other side (finally!), feeling better than I have for years.

I want to share what I went through, why I feel so good at the time of writing and what I have learned. Hopefully I can inspire you in the process!!

The camp was next after my first teaching experience in Thailand, link to this here. I completed it at Bull Muay Thai, Ao Nang, Thailand.

Right, lets get to it…

(The family of cats that lived right outside my room!! They adopted me for two weeks…)

In the beginning…

The first few days were amazing, jacked-up on endorphins and super excited to be doing something I had wanted to do for years!

The training was so fun, and I felt I was learning lots each day.

I felt anxious that I would not be able to meet anybody, but that was a given. Despite this, I felt confident that I could overcome these feelings.

However, I was out of any nicotine products after my third day and I decided to finally give it up for good, and my smile began to turn upside down…

I turned back into a lesser version of myself

Despite tapering my nicotine consumption, I still suffered withdrawal. Insomnia, headaches, chronic brain fog and a resurgence of anxious and depressive thoughts

Around this time, just as Krabi became caught in a monsoon, I came out with a case of food poisoning.

I spent three days cooped up in my room, curtains drawn being sick and (as my mum can attest to!) feeling very, very sorry for myself!

I will say that again – I had my own room. Unlike in the hostels, I could disappear. Those three days stuck in my room lead me to fall back into old bad habits. I withdrew more and more. Telling myself the others at the training were antisocial and not myself, avoiding people at training and disappearing ASAP!! Back into a world in which I wasted my time tucked away, watching things on Youtube I did not even enjoy.

I became increasingly anxious and homesick, no longer feeling confident that I could overcome my anxious thoughts.

The training was not going as I hoped, my body felt weary and I was not making it to two sessions daily. I also injured my legs on the first day so I could not kick! I felt angry with myself for being lazy and for not making as much progress as I would have liked to.

I was stuck inside because of the torrential downpour, my self loathing mounting.

Having my own room was nice. However, unlike in the hostels, I could disappear. This was not good for me.

It was not all bad

The one good thing I did do was start this blog. On my third day I started this project, it has given me direction when I have been cooped up all day…

Ao Nang is beautiful. Everywhere you go there are magnificent, towering limestone formations everywhere. When the weather was nice, I felt blessed to be able to see and explore what I did.

Whilst I was unhappy with myself and my progress, I still really enjoyed training. The coaches were great, always playing and having fun… You have to watch out though – they’ll give you a quick jab to the body or a snappy kick if you’re not careful!

(It almost does not look real… The view from a longboat on the way to Railay Beach)

Then, everything seemed to come together…

I was making lots of progress on my blog, my withdrawal abated and because of my persistence at training, I started to improve.

I realized that sometimes I just needed a rest from training, so I took that extra rest day and came stronger and vastly improved! it made such a difference.

I began allowing myself to be bad, which is soooo freeing. Normally I pile up so much pressure on myself to be the best that the activity is no longer enjoyable and I stop improving. I stopped comparing and focused on myself.

It felt so good to be able to witness my own improvement!

It has given me such a sense of self confidence!

I left each session feeling great. The coach saying “well done, you do good” makes me feel amazing!

Every training session its hard. We start each session with ten minutes of skipping. Then, normally three rounds on the pads and three rounds on the bag (sometimes with push-ups in between rounds), followed by, three rounds sparring and fifteen minutes of clinching and then!… A core workout and stretching to finish…

Everything hurts. Your thighs from being leg kicked, shins from kicking the bag, wrists from punching and your nose from being hit in the face!

You have to learn to make a punch or kick. Initially, when sparring, I kept closing my eyes when I saw a punch was coming – flinching. You cannot do this. So for thirty seconds each day I got someone to just punch me in the stomach! You have to accept that you are going to get hit.

So, your body gets stronger, you get braver and your mind becomes increasingly resilient.

I feel a sense after completing it that I grew from the experience, this gives me confidence.

I am aware that I am still really bad, still a complete beginner. I do not think I have ever taken a hard kick or punch either. All of the trainers who are all a foot (if not more!) smaller than me could knock me out in a heartbeat if they wished. As I mentioned previously, I allowed myself to be bad, leaving my ego at the door. I was completely humbled, having to just focus on what I can learn and how I can improve

Furthermore

People were trying to get to know me at the gym and I realized all that fear was all in my head. I got to know people finally (I know, it only took three and a half weeks!).

Also, I started to get the know the trainers, and the gym began to feel like home.

I had a brief glimpse of who I would be if I continued those bad habits – a lonely, resentful and unaccomplished individual. The shock of seeing has given me lots of motivation to work harder.

(After a gruelling 1260 steps to the top, you are greeted by monkeys and this view at the Tiger Cave temple, Krabi)

And ultimately…

I had four weeks completely to myself. No travel, my only responsibility the training. Who ever has a month completely to themselves?

Had had a real chance to reflect on my life, the ways in which I lie to myself and self sabotage.

I devoted the past month to my blog and improving at Muay Thai, I worked hard.

These are not skills I had previously. Simply put, I have improved my skills.

And my body is as strong as it has ever been, which feels amazing!

As is often the case going through darker, tumultuous period has lead to this feeling of optimism.

To conclude

Disappear and develop some skills for a month and see how you feel.

And possibly even fall back into those bad habits, so you can just have a taste of how you would end up if you carried on with them…

Have a good look at yourself, and be honest!

I have not felt this optimistic and hopeful I think… Forever. I hope you can feel that after reading this. I want to learn more and more and more, improving my skills in every area possible!

I hope that you have gained some insights after reading this.

And feel inspired to do something similar…

Thanks for reading!

P.S here is a link to some other Muay Thai camps in Thailand, just here.

And here is a link to one of my previous posts, detailing my journey to try and overcome social anxiety.

The Next Two Weeks as a Shy Solo Traveller in Thailand

by Aidan on Sep 16, 2024 category Travel

(Some steps in the hills near Mae Kampong village)

After an unexpectedly long stay in Bangkok, I finally decided that I would finally start exploring elsewhere. After hearing ‘Kanchanaburi’ thrown around among other travellers, and having no real plan, I decided to make my way there. So I took the train from Bangkok to Kanchanaburi.

Sitting there on the train I remember feeling great, I felt positive about the previous week, felt I had accomplished lots and grown from the experience prior. However, I was sad to go, to say goodbye to people whom I had met and to leave somewhere I enjoyed staying.

Walking into the hostel for the first time, I remember feeling tired from my journey and a little apprehensive about what was next, but I felt confident in my ability to put myself out there, even when anxious.

I got myself checked in and immediately met somebody. This time it felt less forced: the meeting seemed to occur naturally. We went and explored the night market nearby and some of the local bars.

My stay in Kanchanaburi was great, I met some people who I am still in contact with today, I saw some beautiful sights and spent some good time with the locals who ran hostel. But the exhaustion started to kick in and there were a few days in which I began to feel a little isolated, where I did solo stuff, where I felt myself begin to withdraw. I needed to recharge my social battery because it was empty!

So I took myself to Nakhon Sawan, booking myself a night with my own room. It was just what I needed to get back on my feet again. It was a place that saw few travellers, I must have been the only tourist there! I got many odd looks and even had a few people ask for a photo. It was scary but exciting to go somewhere where others have not.

(View from the outside of Wat Tham Khao Pun, Kanchanaburi)

Afterwards, I took a horrible twelve hour night train to Chiang Mai, the northern capital of Thailand.

What a lovely and beautiful city, with beautiful temples, gorgeous surrounding mountainous landscape and with loads to do. Elephant Sanctuaries, skydiving, base jumping and almost everything else was nearby. Despite this, my experience was overshadowed by how antisocial I found the hostel.

I did manage to go outside of my comfort zone a few times, I started conversations with a few strangers and met some interesting people. But overall I did not enjoy my time there because I felt really isolated. So without experiencing all I wished, I had to cut my experience short and left for Pai.

After a stomach churning 762 turn minivan drive I arrived in the small town of Pai, in the Mae Hong son region. Which turned out to be a western haven; I saw more westerners than Thais in this small town. The scenery was beautiful and I really enjoyed exploring the surrounding areas on the back of a scooter.

On my first day, walking along the street, I stumble upon some of the guys I had met in Kanchanaburi. We ended up forming a little group during my time here which was really nice. I was getting very tired of the transient, one day friendships formed when travelling.

Whilst I did meet a few new people, the security found in friendships already formed discouraged me from going outside of my comfort zone. Whilst the security was nice, It did not push me to pursue.

I had a little group, but it started to come into focus that despite my distance from home, I was still the same person who left. You take yourself wherever you go. It had only been two weeks and I was still the same anxious and awkward person I was when I left.

I did my best to go out as much as others did, but it did not work for me and on a few occasions I was there with people but unable to speak or move; desperately wanting to leave but feeling so anxious that I felt trapped in my own body! Which was really unpleasant.

This second stage of my trip was mixed. Some amazing sights, whether it be waterfalls, temples or mountains. But it was also unwanted but necessary reality check.

In conclusion, what have I learned from this leg of my trip?

You carry yourself wherever you go

Everyone seems to say that when you go somewhere completely new you have the opportunity to reinvent yourself, to be whoever you want to be.
For me this left me with a delusion that I would somehow just be different, naturally changed.
But, naturally, I was still the same person that left.
I told myself that this trip is all about me facing up to the issues which I am confronted with. But I realized that there was a part of me that was looking for a magic pill to cure the anxiety which I experience.
So I realized that just turning up will not make a difference, it is what I do when I get there that is significant. It is how I challenge myself when I am in these different places will cause me to make progress.

Vigilance, perseverance and consistency are the only way in which you will improve

I have a tendency to withdraw from others, being aware and vigilant of this behaviour is vital. In my first days in Bangkok I made some great progress and I think whilst this next leg of the trip was important, I made less progress because I was less conscious of this tendency and let this trait take over, missing out on opportunities in the process
Not every stage of my trip was going to be perfect and go to plan. And this stage did not go as I wished. I knew this was always going to happen. I know now that it is important to keep persevering. Changes will not happen overnight. This sounds very cliché but it is true!
It is no good being sociable one day and antisocial the next, the person you would like to be is not like that so do not act as such. I saw myself doing that frequently during this leg, sociable one day and retreating into myself the next. Consistency is key.

Hey, thanks for reading all this way!
Let me know how I have done, or any questions you might have.

Excitement and Terror, the First 9 days of Travel

by Aidan on Sep 15, 2024 category Travel

Finally, after a long slog of work in hospitality, I was at Heathrow airport awaiting my flight to Bangkok, Suvarnabhumi Airport. Excited but mostly terrified, my mum and little brother were there to see me off.

There was a big part of me that did not want to leave, that wanted to stay back at home, that never wanted to leave. To stay where I am in the know, but where I feel I am only surviving and not really living.

After a long flight, with little sleep and an hour train journey, I got off the Skytrain at Ari, Bangkok. As I got off the train I was Immediately hit with a wall of thick, humid air. But it was a gorgeous day and I could see and feel the warm, orange glow of the sun as it set.

I felt completely lost, and it was the first time I registered the reality of the task I had undertaken; I was an awkward boy, alone in a strange foreign country and everything ahead of me was completely up to myself.

I managed to get myself to my Hostel, which was the Yard hostel, Bangkok. This is the best hostel I have been to so far (more on this later!). I felt completely overwhelmed; there were loads of people at the hostel and I felt as if each one of their eyes was on me, watching me. I have never felt so desperate for a friendly face in my life.

After being shown to my room, I immediately met a guy from Germany who had just arrived in Bangkok an hour before me. I could feel my whole body take a breath out and relax tenfold. I felt I had been given a lifeline.

That night we went and explored a bit of the city together, taking in some of the vibrant crazy-ness of Bangkok. From the unrelenting tuk-tuks drivers on every corner or a family of five on a motorcycle or raw, unrefrigerated meats being sold in 30 degree heat at night; it blew my mind.

(A band playing outside Ari station, the first thing I saw when I got off the train)

The following day we went to see many of the temples in Bangkok. You have to go and seen them, If it is your first time in a South East Asian country, the scale and the opulence of the temples in the Grand Palace will be like nothing you have ever seen before.

But by about 12 O’clock, I seemed to loose the ability to speak, speaking and listening took all the energy I could muster. After an obligatory walk of Khaosan road I went to bed feeling a little disappointed with myself for the way that I was, but still hopeful.

The following day my semi-friend was gone and I was alone again! Back to square one. I was terrified! So I set myself the challenge just to speak to one person who I did not know. So forcing my legs to walk and lips to move I said hello to a guy who I saw sitting alone. It went much better than I expected and we ended up having a really good conversation.

I ended up staying in Bangkok for 9 days in total because I enjoyed life at the hostel so much. The yard hostel is the best hostel I have ever been to. The staff were super lovely, the atmosphere was great but most importantly there was only one small area where you could smoke, which forced everyone together. One of the most important things that happened during my stay was when one of the members of staff asked me to move to the smoking area when smoking. And through this every single day I had the opportunity to meet new people and practice speaking to them.

(make sure you bring some insect repellent!)

I forgot I could actually enjoy being around people! And over the course of these 9 days, I spent all of the nights chilling in the smoking area speaking to people from all over.

However, there were times when it just got too much. For example on my 3rd night at the hostel, I went out with a few people I met earlier on the day to a rooftop bar. I just fell into myself, and sat and said little to nothing. I walked home feeling miserable and disappointed. Feeling really insecure.

This was not the only time this happened and was certainly not the only time where I felt I made a bad first impression. But for the first time ever I felt almost free of these feelings the following day. I still felt a bit embarrassed, but I knew that I was still a work in progress. I was still very awkward and slow in conversation, but I was working on it. It felt very liberating to be ok with making mistakes. When normally I slam myself with every conversational mistake three days later

(Inside Bang Krachao, Bangkok’s green lung)

Some days I felt great, others I felt very isolated, but every day I knew that I was making progress.

What did I learn from these first 9 days?

When you confront anxious thoughts by being the instigator of conversations, you feel a sense of inner security that eliminates some of the self consciousness that you may experience.
- Hey! you’re trying your best its ok if your a little awkward!
- The reverse is true; the less you try the more self conscious you feel when you mess up.

Be consistent; keep facing your anxiety
- ‘I spoke to him, I’m done for the day, no need to speak to anyone else!’
- Facing up to the ‘dragon’ every once in a while will not change anything, only applying consistent pressure will. See it like practice, to learn an instrument you have to be consistent, the same can be said for speech.

Give yourself time to rest
- You are not there yet, so do not run before you can walk, be consistent but attempting to talk to new people every second of every day will be exhausting (it is exhausting even for the most extraverted people!), so give yourself a night or day to recover and go again!
- Some days I just got so exhausted and needed to rest. And that is ok as well!

These first few days filled me with hope, I saw into the future; I saw a glimpse of who I could be. Some days were harder than others, but I knew that was part of the experience. It was the most eye opening, exciting and terrifying few days of my life so far.

Thanks for reading all the way, this is my first post so please let me know how I have done/any questions.

I have a feeling it is too self focused so please let me know how you feel.

Thanks for reading!